I feel dead inside and to the world in a way. I have been in my room from Thursday to Monday morning straight. I missed my anime club I love so much and have hurting eyes and red marks on my nose from wearing my glasses to long. And all because of an art project that has been killing my creativity. Or so it feels like. Maybe my problem is I worry to much on what the teacher will think and fear hat I am not including enough information, not explaining what I mean good enough, make it sound like I don't know what I'm talking about... being an "artist" is tough. I put ".."s around artist because I don't know anymore if I can even call myself such a thing anymore. I love to draw and I love creating with all my heart ...its a passion. I love working with my hands and with a computer. I love creating or altering things. It really is a passion of my, BUT am I good enough at it to make a caree out it? I don't know.:sad: What if I'm not good at it? And I've waseted my time and money trying in schooling and college all these years? I guess these thoughts are brought on my the fact that at I feel like I can never please my college professors and get an A.

Maybe ... Just Maybe .....GAH! I don't know! I don't know anything anymore!I feel like I know nothing about who I am. And I deffiantly do not know my purpose in life. I have also tried to figure it out, but never could and still can't. WHY AM I HERE? WHAT GOOD AM I? WHY?!WHY?!WHY?!WHY?!WHY?!WHY?!WHY?!WHY?!WHY?!WHY?!WHY?!WHY?!WHY?!WHY?!WHY?!WHY?!WHY?!WHY?! I guess I'm just tired and frustrated. Maybe I just need a vacation.

No what I need to do is start on my project again. I need music, rest, food and drink. Yep you guess it ... I haven't eaten a thing today yet I've lost a lot of sleep but last night I got some finally. I think I just need to go home - to my real home, not just my dorm room home. I need a vacation. I wanna work on things for fun, not because they are a project....

I don't know ... maybe just maybe that is what I need. :Sad: I DON't KNOW!

Anyway .... enough ranting ...

[link]

That is a video I made while taking breaks in my project. Breaks that I needed a break from the project, but still allowed my creative mind to run and have fun.... if that makes any sense to anyone.